start anew
Posted on: Tuesday, June 22, 2010
Posted at: 6/22/2010 08:00:00 PM
'cause I really think it's time I stand up for myself, to do what I want to, not need to.
Im tired of trying & trying, sacrificing so so much and when there's a little hope, Ill soon be filled w disappointment agn & agn. It's tough & I guess I cant go thru this anymore. Because I know I wont get a position for the impending one, so why waste so much time & effort when I could use it to benefit my other areas which I believe I can succeed in and make myself happy. Still, Im just thinking even if I were to succeed in it, I wouldnt be happy because Ive no passion for it at all and yet Im stuck. I really want to let go. Im admitting defeat now, I gave up. My hopes have been crushed many times. And the last straw was when I felt.. betrayed.
I mean therere better ones, but at least Ive my worth, meaning not only in court.
Because I dont see any point in staying when I keep being the last and struggling so much for.. nothing. Feels like forever.
Funny thing is, Im scared to go thru it, when Ive gone thru it many times. Idk if Im gg tmrw. I hope I can move ahead, away from all this because im thinking i want my future to be better, for myself. I just want to be happy.
&, im sorry. My mind is made up. Tho' im not sure itll be consented, but im believing that ive the last say. Ive th right to do whatever I want w my life, not tied to sth I feel so small in, so useless.
For once, I want to feel really good about myself, not haunted by the same old thing that never fail to make me feel so down endlessly.